Splitting Headache, 6.30.2014, Watercolor, M. Rattigan
Some wandering thoughts and images this meditation Monday:
The thought, "Do not disturb", a person in a sound-proof booth,
The thought, "Do not enter",
and finally, an image of a skull splitting slightly off-center.
I feel this last one-- up at the top and travelling behind my eyes and nose and again in between my eyes. A wedge of pressure forcing itself into this fissure. It sits and splits... plays with my eyes and makes the light hurt. Calling it a headache minimizes it. I keep going on. Everyday. What other choice do I have? Guess it's learning to live with the annoyance.
Then there's the guilt. Yup. Guilt. "It's just a headache." I didn't lose a limb, fight a war, survive a trauma; so I want to just move on. But I can't. I don't know why I have them... why I still have them... everyday.
Does "do not disturb" mean I shouldn't bother? Does "do not enter" mean I shouldn't even 'go' there? The sound proof box makes me think I am not really being heard. Honestly I think I am just confused. What I do know is that my head... well, it's still splitting...
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