Holding on, letting go
In today's meditation, I found that too must have happened in between last week and today. I was mindful of thoughts and tangential mind wandering. Ideas and memories. I sat for extra time to allow for the clutter to stop and to just be in the moment with nothing. I became aware of discomfort, fatigue, and head pain. I tried to notice and accept without judgment.
The image that did appear were hands: initially as open palmed hands, the left resting on the right. Then they moved, opening up into themselves as if dropping something or letting something go. I noticed that I started to move it forward with adding details. I stopped myself because I wasn't sure how much of it was contrived and how much of it was spontaneous. The details included sand falling through the hands. Later I saw a rose being held in the open palmed hands... white or white with pink, becoming red. But again, was I forcing this to happen? It seemed so... Then I did have a spontaneous image that disturbed me and I intentionally chose to not paint it. A tree trunk on the left side of my view had a small hole from which a grey menacing, sharp-tooth filled snake jutted out. Mouth open and fangs ready to strike... but at nothing.
I returned back to the hands and my wandering mind. Breathe. What could this all mean? The hands reminded me of holding on and letting go. I have held these thoughts and ideas and memories without a way to sort them, connect them, understand them, or slough them off. Perhaps today the hands transitioning into letting go was me saying it's OK to let them go, gently, with compassion and without forcing myself to understand.
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