Meditation Monday no. 3: X

"X" by M. D. Rattigan, copyright 2014

It was difficult to settle into meditation.  I had just come back minutes prior from a 3 mile run.  I had given myself time to cool down; however, laying outside in the sun while still heated made me feel distracted.  I persevered, hoping that I could let myself go.  I had a turning and some pain in my stomach. I placed my hands there and focused on just breathing through it.

The letting go never happened.  I remained aware of my discomforts and found that my mind was all over the place.  "That's OK", I told myself, "Just go with it. It's all useful material." Pema Chodron (Steinberg, 2008) wrote that her teacher Trungpa Rinpoche once said,"Whatever occurs in the confused mind is regarded as the path. Everything is workable. It is a fearless proclamation, the lion's roar" (p. 150).  I will embrace this today.

In all of the discomforts and wandering of the mind, one image did come through.  It was an "X".  The top middle section was filled in with what appeared to be a flame.  I painted this today.  At first, I imagined the X to be the spot of pain in my midsection and I added brown around the X in the painting to signify my attempts to both hold and soothe the pain as I tried to meditate.

This seemed like such a simple, basic shape.  I was curious and began word-searching the internet.  I happened upon a blog, www.girvin.com/blog/?p=6125, that referenced interesting aspects and meanings of "X".  Here is a listing of what I found:

• A symbol of female (X Chromosome)
• Representational for the word Christ, Christian; a Christogram
• Symmetry
• A crossing point
• What lies beyond; the unknown
• To cross out, mark
• To indicate choice
• Experimental
• Extra, extraordinary
• An unknown quantity or variable
• Power of magnification
• Crossed with
• The crossroads: decision making, spiritual confusion, 4 points of the cardinal direction (all points can reach back to the center, the locus)

What about the flame?  I am intrigued if there is any pre-existing symbol of the two in combination.  I currently have not found any referenced.

I can see how the many definitions of "X" can parallel my current searches into the unknown parts of myself, my expanding understandings of spirituality, and my desire for peace and balance.  The flame could be so many things: creative fire, energy, burning thoughts, cleansing... However, as of now, I am not going to force a meaning on my experience. I will, instead, hold the image and experience in my heart and mind as I go about my day and week and allow its meaning to unfold on its own.

Thanks for listening.

Steinberg, E. (Ed). (2008).  The pocket Pema Chodron. Boston, Massachusetts: Shambala.