Meditation Monday no. 4: To the Left

3x3 in. watercolor, "To The Left", M. Rattigan copyright 2014

"When, because of external or internal circumstances, there comes a change, we need to be able to go along with that change.  Then we can become more comfortable, relaxed and spacious" --Karmapa, 2014.

I appreciate Karmapa's explanation, especially that 'spacious' is included: often when change is abundant and I begin to feel crowded by it I just need room to breathe.

Today was a difficult task in meditation.  After a recent car accident several days ago, I am having pain and difficulty concentrating.  Being outside again accompanied by my lovely dog Lily, she and I were trying to enjoy the warm sun and sounds of nature.  She, more than I, actively engaging in nature: I was disrupted by her catching a rabbit and with my heart racing most likely faster than the poor bunny's, I charged my dog with anger and disappointment.  She dropped the rabbit who scurried away, and I needed much time to try and calm down.  Now with Lily in the house and me, again, trying to relax outside, I lost focus.  My adrenalin was pumping, my heart still racing, and Lily pawed the door begging to return outside.  I gave up.

Later in the day, despite my nagging pain traveling through my head, down my neck and into my left arm, I sat in a lounge chair on the deck and closed my eyes.  Much better.  Lily was with me again and I chose to let go of that which I cannot control.  I did not want to bury another deceased rabbit, but I cannot scold her for her hound dog nature.  I needed to let go.  I needed to accept the pain.  I just needed to be.  In this second attempt, I gave myself the room to do that.

Interestingly, as thoughts and people and visions projected into my eyelids, much kept happening on the left.  It was as if a diagonal split screen was set up and the motion stayed on one side.  There was swirling and blooming, and my heart pumped harder than usual, making me feel a slight sway in my chest and torso.

My painting response, "To the Left" is a response the the left-sided visions as well as the blood vessels I felt pumping.   It is a reminder that I am alive.

Thanks for listening.